Disconnected

As a social media manager it’s hard to escape from my phone at times. While I couldn’t stop posting for the accounts I manage I decided to take a short break from writing and from Instagram posting on my personal account.

I found myself not feeling as connected to anything I was doing, and that just isn’t sustainable to me. I may be able to go a few weeks like that, and it’s usually because I’m so busy that I don’t notice the subtle clues that are nudging me to slow down and pay attention to the way I’m feeling. But eventually it hits me, and I feel all the lacking and all of the disconnect all at once. It hurts when I feel this way. Physically and emotionally. But it’s never wrong.

I’ve learned that this sensitivity I have, this empathy mixed in with a deep capacity for feelings is just as much a part of me as the freckles on my shoulders and the blue of my eyes. It’s ingrained in me, and really I wouldn’t be me without it. It can feel so heavy at times but it also guides me. When I feel disconnected and anxious it’s a sign of something I’m not dealing with, or that maybe the path I’m headed down just isn’t the one for me.

It takes give and take. Life is always going to be full of cycles, and patterns, and twists and turns. I have so many goals in life, yet I still feel like I’m searching for my purpose. But maybe that’s ok. In fact, I know it is. I know that I can be happy and fulfilled and still be longing for certainty and direction.

Maybe that’s who I am as a person. Maybe the searching is what I need to reach my full potential.

I’m sharing this because at frequent times it feels so freaking scary, but every other moment I feel that I’m growing just a little bit more in the right direction.

So my broad goal that helps ground me back to who I am is to do things with intention. To listen to my gut when it tells me to go for it or that this person is not the right energy for me. To pay attention to the things that I can get absolutely lost in for hours, and to the things that will help me grow into who I want to be.

When I can start back to square one and do the simple things and be present with what I am doing, I feel grounded. And when I feel grounded, I can trust the opportunities that come to me, the people in my life, and that I will be able to know what to say yes to and what to say no to.

It can feel so important to always be sharing, to be posting and to be a part of this digital world. I see the irony of sharing this on a digital platform. But I think it’s important to talk about. For me a break from posting and from screen time in general was so necessary to get back in tune with myself. And the awareness I have about it allows me to know when I need to go out and do things just simply to do them, not to post about doing them. To live, to make time and energy for all of my hobbies that bring me joy.

The point I’m trying to make is let us not confuse a perfectly manicured feed with real world happiness. Comparison is right at the tip of our fingers. But don’t forget that you don’t have to have those fingers attached to that screen. You can choose at anytime to stop scrolling. To turn your device off or to leave it home and go for a walk. You can live intentionally instead of out of habit. The choice is always yours.

Kindly, cara

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